Tuesday, December 9, 2008

I can't help but wonder what it's worth?

*i apologize up front for the rambling and whiney "poor me" attitude of this post*

What is the extra time with Dad worth? It's breaking all our hearts to see him like this. It's so hard on mom physically, mentally, emotionally. Well it's hard on all of us that way, but of course mom the most. Last Weds. we didn't think he'd make it even through the day and here it is the next Tuesday and he's still hanging on. The majority of the time he's completely "out of it". He's getting a bit combative, he doesn't want the oxygen on, but without it his levels drop and he gets even more aggitated. For a day or so he was just mostly sleeping, which is also really sad, especially when you find yourself watching him breath and thinking "is that the last breath", it's horrible. There's just no "good" way to see someone you love so much, dying. I have to say this slow drawn out process just seems so much harder. We have experienced a sudden tragic death, John's friend was killed 5 years ago in a tractor trailer accident. It's equally hard to say goodbye to someone when they die suddenly, but i have to say this slow painful goodbye is most definately worse. But then again maybe i only feel that way because that's what I'm currently dealing with.

Again i just want to say thanks to all those who are praying for our family and for dad. I also want to thank all those who have babysat & offered food and other help. It really means a lot to have friends that you can call when you need to decompress before you explode from the emotional exhaustion.


Diana said...

Praying for you Sarah. Oh yes and I do love you... :) I'm a sorry you have to go through all of this..

Sherry said...

Oh hun, I wish I could give you a big hug. This has to be the hardest thing imaginable. I am keeping your family in my prayers for one more Christmas with your daddy.