Saturday, December 27, 2008


So you can now follow me on Twitter - FaithsMommy

I really love it. If you are unfamiliar with it, it's like a mini-blog, quick little "ramblings" when you have a second to update. Now for you more techno-savvy folks, you can also use your iPod and phone (i think) to update. I however as you know can barely send a text message, LOL.

Christmas Day was great. We spent the whole day with family, had a nice meal, though the prime rib wasn't what i thought it would be, it was good, but well just not as "wow" as I had hoped. But i didn't ruin it, that's the important thing. We played some cards, played with Faith and her new toys and in general just had a good time.

Christmas night in bed, i finally let it out and had a really good cry with John. I had been telling everyone for 2 weeks "i'm fine" "i'm doing okay" blah blah, and just holding it back, or having short little cries and then pushing the feelings away. So i finally let it go and honestly it felt pretty good to get it out. I'm still horribly sad, and i know i will be for a long time, but i let some of the bottled up emotions out and it felt great.

We have had one issue after another with something breaking or needing repairs. It's actually in a way becoming comical (though I tend to find more "humor" in it than John). We been having ongoing issues with our septic, that seem to flare up every few days, really no fix until spring when we can assess what the true problem is, we are hoping it won't require a whole new septic. Then my mom's snow blower was in need of a good maintanance, so John was working on that. In the meantime our snowblower has stopped working, lovely. Then the roof over our front porch started leaking, so John had to shovel it off. Then our shower handle broke, we only have 1 shower/tub so it had to be fixed, no waiting. Our living room lamp (the only one in there) suddenly shorted out entirely and needs to be rebuilt. Oh and my mom's tree next to her drively split off 2 larger branches (it's one of those cedar trees that's like a clump of several trees in one).
So needless to say, John has been busy in one way or another lately. Though i somewhat find humor in it, and short of the snow blower I don't think any of the repairs will be major ones (though we just aren't sure about the septic yet). However John gets himself very worked up over these things, which isn't good, but it's just John i guess, that's his way.

Well that's enough rambling for today, i gotta go get my first cup of coffee.

Oh one funny about Faith. When we are out in public and have to use a "big" potty, she always says "momma will hold you?" and i always do of course, she's so skinny there's just no way she wouldn't fall in if i didn't. Anyway last night before bed i'm on the potty and she comes over and "hugs" me and says "it's okay momma i hold you, so you don't fall" LMAO, she's so cute!

Thursday, December 25, 2008


I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas. I'm missing my dad something awful of course, but i'll make it through. He'll be here in spirit i'm sure helping me with my prime rib, he was always my "go to" for any cooking question, so today for the first time i'm flying "solo" on a big meal. Dad I miss you so much!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Keeping busy is definately helping...and other ramblings.

Today we cleaned up some more, put up the tree. Then we went to pick up Faith and Cheyanne at mom's. Fought the storm to Carthage and back - not horrible thanks to our 4-wheel drive truck, i can't imagine what it would have been in a car. There was at least 6 inches of snow on the road i would say.
When we got home John and the kids put some ornaments on the tree. I made a homemade pizza for lunch. After lunch i put together some meatballs & sausage w/ sauce to cook in the crock pot for spaghetti dinner. Then i made banana bread. Then i made dough for my Grandma's filled cookies.
Tired yet...LOL
In the midst of all that I folded 3 loads of laundry, and washed and dried 2 more loads (I still need to fold those).
After a brief break, i cooked the spaghetti for supper and we all ate. It was yummy!
Then i rolled out and cut out the cookies and baked them. YUMMY.
They are filled with a mincemeat & orange marmalade mixture. They were one of my dad's absolute favorites, i'm sorry I never got them made before he passed away.

Also on my mind is the fact that I am probably going back to work. Do i absolutely "need" to go, no. But i want to. I want to help pay off some of our debt and have some extra spending money so that we don't always feel guilty spending. I think this will also help out my mom as she will be my babysitter. I'll pay her (probably nowhere near what she deserves but some anyway) for one thing and also it will be fun for her to have Faith with her more often, she likes that. So i put an application in at my previous employer and talked to human resources. It shouldn't be a problem to pick up something there. I'll take anything in my field right now, depending on hours. I can deal with odd hours for a bit if i have to, but ultimately i'd like to find something with a regular schedule.

Also i think the baby "making" is on hold again. I just am too spent with everything else that has gone on lately to worry about having another baby right now. I'm emotionally exhausted and just can't keep taking the stress of trying to conceive and feeling like a failure. So for now it's going to the back burner for a bit.

Well last batch of cookies is done baking and i think i'll call it quits for tonight.

Don't forget to check my sewing blog for pictures of Faith's clothes i made her for Christmas.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

More progress...

Check out my sewing blog to see the holiday stuff i completed this morning. Now i am moving on to laundry and cleaning. Hopefully the tree will go up tonight. Then on to cooking and baking.
Sewing Blog Click Here

Friday, December 19, 2008

Making progress...

I *think* i'm done with shopping for presents. Though I do have 1 present i need to do a bit of sewing on, though it shouldn't take long. I also have 1 outfit and 1 nightgown to sew up for Faith, again shouldn't take too long.
I am making headway in the laundry, though i'm still several loads behind, but we're getting there.
I took care of some odds/ends running around today.
I am also starting on some cookies, however i think i want these more for myself today than for Christmas. The recipe is SUPER easy and fast, and they smell awesome though I havn't eaten any yet.
Recipe is -
1 box chocolate cake mix
1/2 cup butter, softened/melted
2 eggs
1 cup chocolate chips

Mix cake mix, butter and eggs until smooth. Stir in chocolate chips. Drop by spoonfuls onto ungreased cookie sheet and bake 8-10 minutes at 350. Let cool on cookie sheet for 5 minutes and then remove to wire rack to cool completely.

Easy Peasy!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Trying to chug along...

It's hard, sometimes i just get really teary. A picture. Something Faith says. Something I'm doing. But I am trying to get back to "normal". We need to have Christmas, we need it for our family. So i did a bit of shopping. Trying to get the house in order, so we can get up at least the tree. I'm extremely tired. And not feeling 100%, not sure what's up, other than i figure it's just the stress of everything.

HUGE thank yous to all my wonderful blog reading friends. You've all been great!
Not to mention all my IRL friends, family and neighbors who have sent cards, messages or just encouraged me. I couldn't make it without that support, i know that.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

All went well...

The last of the calling hours and the funeral went very well. The hardest part was when the last we "saw" him before the funeral. As a family we said our goodbyes. Faith told papa bye bye, gave him a kiss and in general just broke our hearts, as it was so pure and innocent, she of course had no clue what it "really" meant. When the funeral started, she of course was showing off a bit. She said "papa needs medicine?" and I told her "no, papa is all better now" and she said "okay". Again so sweet, so innocent.

The gathering after at Dave's house was so packed with family and friends. So much food. Every party or get together, no matter what the occassion I always worry that there won't be enough food. Thanks to the ladies at church and several good friends, neighbors and family, there was plenty. And there will be plenty for days, which will make it easier for all of us. Good friends are such a blessing!

I know the next few days especially will be hard for my mom, so we'll be helping her out. But now I also have the task of trying to get ready for Christmas, I don't want it to be ruined, especially for the kids.

Monday, December 15, 2008

So far so good.

Calling hours went well. The funeral home did an exceptional job at making dad look good. Faith "talked" to papa many times through out the night. She would just climb up on the kneeler and rub his arm and say "hi papa" and things of that nature. She kept telling us that "papa likes I rub his arm". SO very sweet!

I'm sure today will be harder, saying goodbye, never to "see" him again. Super emotional for sure.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Watertown Daily Times...

More like Watertown Daily Screw Up!

I'm so upset that they apparently feel the need to rewrite obituaries instead of simply using what the funeral director sends. First of all they felt it necessary to include my dad's ex-wife, it really doesn't matter, they were on good terms so it's not a big deal, but what if it was something he didn't want? How is it their judgement to determine how one's life story should be summarized?

What I'm angry about is the major screw up of the calling hours and funeral. We purposely did an evening calling hour time on Sunday night so that people that can't get away on Monday from work would be able to pay their respects. Then on Monday a short calling hour with the funeral to follow. Simple. But the Watertown times in "rewriting" the information completely ommitted the Sunday night calling hours and instead said the funeral was Sunday the 15th at 1 with a calling hour beginning at noon. Never did they mention the evening calling hour, nor the proper funeral day of monday. ARGH! The funeral director was going to call and get them to reprint the obituary. I am going to be really mad if they just do one of their little "blurbs" at the bottom that says something to the effect of "because of a submission error, blah blah". Noone really reads those little tiny corrections. I will be very upset if people travel a distance at noon tomorrow only to find the funeral home closed and noone around.

However KUDOS to for not only getting the information listed right away, but also just using what the funeral director submits. They don't feel it necessary to rewrite or make their "own" news story. And some people wonder why online services are becoming the norm, and the traditional "paper" is failing? Online news sources find you the information you need, post you stories that matter and dont' spend a day diggin up totally worthless garbage to just fill up their paper.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Dad is gone...

Just wanted to update quick for those that are getting your updates here.

Dad passed peacefully around 8 pm tonight. My brother and mom had just left, we feel he was waiting for them to go.

I went back up with my mom and John joined us. We said our goodbyes. We will be making arrangements tomorrow.

Thanks again for the prayers and support through this long process. I do feel at peace that Dad is no longer suffering.


Mom came home last night as Dad wasn't waking up at all. She needed to rest so she could go back up today as I have a puking, feverish toddler to deal with. Anyway she got a call at 4am that Dad's breathing has "changed". I'm sure it's not a change for the good, i will know more when i get up there but i expect maybe we are getting closer to the end. I know it sounds terrible to hope this is the case, but if you saw him you'd know why i feel this way. I will update when i can. For now John is home with Faith, hopefully her throwing up with subside. I am trying to keep her to the BRAT diet, but it's so hard with a toddler that is hungry and doesn't understand that some things will make it worse. Poor kiddo.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

I can't help but wonder what it's worth?

*i apologize up front for the rambling and whiney "poor me" attitude of this post*

What is the extra time with Dad worth? It's breaking all our hearts to see him like this. It's so hard on mom physically, mentally, emotionally. Well it's hard on all of us that way, but of course mom the most. Last Weds. we didn't think he'd make it even through the day and here it is the next Tuesday and he's still hanging on. The majority of the time he's completely "out of it". He's getting a bit combative, he doesn't want the oxygen on, but without it his levels drop and he gets even more aggitated. For a day or so he was just mostly sleeping, which is also really sad, especially when you find yourself watching him breath and thinking "is that the last breath", it's horrible. There's just no "good" way to see someone you love so much, dying. I have to say this slow drawn out process just seems so much harder. We have experienced a sudden tragic death, John's friend was killed 5 years ago in a tractor trailer accident. It's equally hard to say goodbye to someone when they die suddenly, but i have to say this slow painful goodbye is most definately worse. But then again maybe i only feel that way because that's what I'm currently dealing with.

Again i just want to say thanks to all those who are praying for our family and for dad. I also want to thank all those who have babysat & offered food and other help. It really means a lot to have friends that you can call when you need to decompress before you explode from the emotional exhaustion.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Still holding on...

Dad is just pretty much sleeping all the time, if he does stir or wake up he's very confused. He's not eating or drinking a whole lot.
This is definately the hardest thing i've ever experienced in my life. It's -12 here this morning and i have to get Chey to school. Then i'm hoping it will warm up a bit before I take Faith and go see him for a while. Will update as I can.
Again thanks to all my friends and family for their prayers and encouragment, it's appreciated so much.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

I am is the same

I think i had a migraine and that my fibromyalgia has flared up badly. I had a splitting headache and nausea - definate migraine symptoms for me. My chest is sore, but it's muscular sore which is a sign my fibro is flaring, as is all the "all over" achyness. Today i'm better, still sore and my chest is still sore, but my headache and nausea is gone so that's good. I'm certain it's not the flu.
I did go see dad for a bit yesterday, took Faith. I wasn't sure if I should, but she was a good girl. She showed him the picture she made. Sat on the edge of the bed with him. Rubbed his legs and arms. She kissed and hugged him bye, and he seemed to know she was there, i dont' know.
Not sure what the plan is today. Dave stayed last night and said Dad kept trying to get up in the night, thinks he needs to get out of bed for some reason. He's still pretty much just confused and out of it. I'll probably stay tonight with him. I'll have to see what John wants to do when he gets home here soon.
Anyway, that's where we are at. I just hope and pray he's not suffering. I don't think he's in pain, they are giving him pain medication, so that's something.

Friday, December 5, 2008

So i woke up is back downhill

I woke up in the night with a fever and a horrible headache. Still not feeling at all well. I want to try and get out and go see Dad as from what i understand he's back downhill again today. He had a fever in the night too and hasn't woken up much today. I feel awful mom was up there all night and has been alone all that time. But i've got such a headache and nausea i just don't know if i can go out. I am praying this isn't the flu that it's just stress related or something. I can't be sick right now.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Dad is better today...

No explanation can be made but he's better today. Talking more, not so "out" of it and sat up and ate his lunch even. Doctor really isn't sure what the deal is. So we'll see what happens. Mom went ahead and headed home to get some sleep. I'll update when i can.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008


Isn't expected to make it much longer. We sat with him all day and mom is going to stay with him tonight. Doctor basically said he didn't think it'd be longer than a day if that.

Monday, December 1, 2008

So now Dad may be "sick" "sick"

Yes obviously he's been sick for quite some time but now it's possible he's got the flu or something of that nature. I guess he's running a fever. I thought at first he just thought he was sick because he's so run down, but mom said they did run a flu test or something. So now i have the added burden of do i take Faith to see him and risk her getting sick? She had her flu shot. I certainly don't want to keep her away if I don't have to. I certainly don't want to stay away. I want to see him for however much longer i have. Of course there is also the looming fact that if he is in fact sick with the flu, this could be the end for sure.
This afternoon i would have loved to just dig a hole and hide for a while. I just can't face anything right now, it's too hard. Some days i'm okay and accepting of what's going on, other days i just feel so incredibly lost.

Thursday, November 27, 2008


for each day we have with my dad....

Homemade Chicken Broth

Okay so the other day in the market I needed chicken broth. I went to pick up a can at 99 cents and thought, 2 cups of chicken broth for 99 cents? Why am i wasting money on something I can make.'s what I did.

I unthawed a chicken (it was two 1/2 chickens i had bought on sale for $1 a lb - $4). I cut up 2 onions, 3 carrots and 3 stalks of celery (or was it 4) - approx. $1 worth of vegetables.
Put it in my largest pot (which happens to be my canning pot, with the jar holder removed).
Added about 8 quarts of water.
Boiled it all together for an hour or so (honestly couldn't tell you how long it was, till it looked done - don't you love my cooking methods LOL)
Separated out the chicken and vegetables -
Here's my nice batch of broth - i should say the first batch.
Then i cooled everything and picked off the chicken to store for a later meal (honestly could be 2 meals really, since there's just 3 of us).
Then on to the second batch of broth. I took the chicken bones, and the vegetables again and boiled another smaller batch of broth.

Here's the totals - 1 large package of chicken picked from the bone. 40 cups of broth in various containers and bags frozen for later use. For $5 and some of my time.
This would have cost $20 at the store just for the broth (approx. 99 cents a can x 20 cans) and the cost of the chicken $4. So in the store $24.
Can't beat $19 savings right?

Stay tuned for more adventures in "making it cheaper than the store".

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Much more productive today...

I have gotten dishes all cleaned up, and then more after that (i cooked).
I have folded 3 loads of clothes that were already clean/dry. Then I have washed/dried 3 loads of towels, still have to fold 2 of them (they are finishing drying).
I made a HUGE batch of chicken broth, i will be posting about this in the next couple days. (hence the additional dishes)
I cleaned the entire bathroom including sweeping and mopping.

Cheyanne is here for the night so i'm not sure what else i'll get done, sometimes her being here helps, sometimes it doesn't. So we'll see. I feel better knowing I got the worst of it taken care of. I hate feeling like a slug but well it's hard not to lately.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Feeling lazy...

I can't seem to get motivated to do a darn thing today. I have a sink full of dishes calling my name. Laundry up the wazoo. My carpets are in need of vacuuming. There are toys strewn about. The bathroom definitely needs a good scouring. But here i sit, typing a blog post. I guess when there is so much sad stuff going on lately it's just hard to really care about little things like laundry, does that make any sense?

Friday, November 21, 2008

Dad ...

Dad has decided to stop treatment. I respect his decision and totally understand. He will get pain medication for comfort, they will monitor his sugars to make sure they don't get too high (i guess that can create pain?) and basically eventually he will just fall asleep and not wake up. We are all of course very very sad, but well death is part of life, he's very tired and has very little quality of life. I will be trying to spend extra time there. The time estimate is pretty much anytime, maybe as long as Christmas or a little longer, it's really just not "determinable" based on his multiple medical problems. Please keep my family in your prayers, i feel the love around me and that definately helps through the toughest times.

So it's my blog anniversary

I've been blogging for a year, pretty cool eh?
I have nothing really interesting to post about, nothing "anniversary" worthy. So we'll just leave it at Happy Blogaversary!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Can you dream smells?

Okay this is something i've wondered for a while. I often will be woken up in the night smelling something - toast, coffee...usually something food related. Sometimes it's another smell like perfume. Well last night I smelled cow manure, ewww. Woke up and was like "Oh great what did the dog do". I recently started letting him back into the whole house since the mud finally froze up and he's no longer tracking it everywhere. Anyway, came downstairs and nothing. I was apparently dreaming the smell of cow poop.

How weird am I??

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Okay I'm gonna try to post something positive...

As the depressing news continues to circulate i just feel like i need to try and be positive.

*Faith is spending the night with Grandma and Chey. I think it will be good for mom, she's been so stressed and Faith is most definately a source of joy. Plus it gives me a chance to get caught up on a mountain of things that need to be done here. First up is laundry. However i don't know if chores are "positive" so i will move on.

*Despite the fact that it is 24 degrees outside right now, it is 76 degrees in here. Now i know that probably sounds outright ridiculous to many, but we have to keep it very warm in the living/dining room in order for the upstairs to stay a decent temperature too. So it's nice and toasty and I'm glad about that.

*We found the source of the mysterious "footprints" all over our vehicles. The neighbors cat got into our garage friday and was apparently too afraid to leave or something. We had "mysterious" cat prints all over our vehicles both saturday and sunday mornings. The funny thing is we looked all over for the darn thing (knowing that there wasn't a "ghost" cat in the garage leaving footprints on the car), John and I both looked all over and couldn't find it. We came home Sunday night, he flicked the light on and there is this big white & gray cat in the rafters over his truck, afraid to get down. It's a "BIG" cat, how did we miss it? I'm sure he wasn't up there the whole time, since he was busy leaving footprints everywhere but still where in the world was he hiding?

*I have some really fantastic friends. They have been so great about talking to me, letting me vent, letting me cry. And just totally understanding how broken i feel, it's so nice to know someone understands and cares.

*I have an absolutely fantastic little girl. She's so smart and so funny. She is getting to be such a big girl that it sometimes makes me sad. But she's also becoming so much FUN! She never forgets anything either, if you make the mistake of mentioning going somewhere, she will just keep bugging you about it till you go. Annoying, but funny at the same time.

Okay well reading back through this is more of a general chit chat than a "postive" post. But well it is what it is, i tried. Off to fold laundry.

Monday, November 17, 2008

My goodness, will it ever end?

Mom told me last night that my uncle (my dad's youngest brother) told her that he has prostate cancer. We don't know many details yet, and he has asked that we not share this news with Dad, he feels that Dad has more than enough on his plate to worry about and doesn't want to add to it. I respect that and in a way thank him for that. I'm sure we'll find out a bit more today when we can talk more. I gotta tell ya I'm looking for something good to come, please God send something positive our way, please!!! I'm pleading.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

My posts are so sad lately...

But my aunt just passed away. She was in her 80's and had been sick for the last few months with some sort of brain tumor. Not a big shock that she passed, but sad none the less. I have to confess i've been wondering who would be first. There have been 3 very ill in our family. Her, my dad and John's aunt. I sure hope this is the only funeral i have to attend for a while. Of course my first thought was "oh no, but at least she's out of pain" and like a girl, my second thought was "do i have anything to wear?". Bad I know...but true too.

A little SPAM

Check out my store, i'm stocking a few handmade items on Saturday.
SEWsational Sarah

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

I feel so defeated (a long sad vent)...

I am having a bit of a break down, no not a serious one but just need to vent.

The situation with my dad is so upsetting i can't tell you how much i'm hurting. I feel like i'm just waiting around for him to die, which in a way i guess we are (after all we are all going to die some day right). But, the thing is when you see him he doesn't seem "that sick". Yeah sure he's weak, but it doesn't seem fair that he can't get better. I just feel so defeated.

Then there's the whole trying for another baby. John isn't super supportive about it, he says there's just too much going on right now. At first his resistance didn't bother me, cause well that's just John, he behaved the same way before. Instead of admitting his fears he gets defensive and what not, i'm used to it. But then there was the hard reality of just how much it would cost us to do more fertility treatments. So then we thought well we'll take the "low cost" route and just do some medication treatments. So today i went to pick up a progesterone prescription. That was a big thing when i was pregnant with Faith, i had to take a lot of supplements. Anyway it was $176. I was like "nope never mind". I will shop around and see if i can get it somewhere for a reasonable price but still. UGH. Again I just feel so defeated.

Then there is all the other every day stuff. The mountain of laundry. The muddy floor (thanks to the dog and our lovely weather). The need to cook and clean and carry on with life in general. I don't know I guess i just feel defeated there too.

Even my favorite hobby, sewing just seems like a chore right now. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. But i can't, i have to go on, i have to at least try for Faith, for John, for myself. But it's so hard, it's just too much. I feel so defeated...

Monday, November 10, 2008


Saw the RE today, for now we are taking the most basic (aka cheap) approach to try for another blessing. If you want details just ask, otherwise i won't bore you with the blah blah blah's of fertility treatment. But please say a prayer that we either are lucky in conceiving soon or that we figure out how to cope with having an only child. I just don't feel my heart would feel such yearning for another baby if it wasn't meant to be.

In other news. The PA stopped in to talk with Dad and Mom today. Dad had another episode of chest pain this morning while getting dressed. Basically he said things are progressing faster than they had expected, meaning Dad is going downhill faster than they had anticipated. I don't know exactly what this means, but i know it's not good news. The only good thing i can see from this is that Dad and Mom did talk about things that need to be done, and he did seem to be in an okay frame of mind about it. So there's that. My heart is broken and aching and dread the phone ringing sometimes, worried it's bad news. Well can't post more about that now cause i'll just start another crying fest and tonight i just don't want to do that.

Tomorrow is Veteran's Day so make sure to thank a vet for your freedom.

Off to try and spend some quality time with my little monkey.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Dad update...

Well unfortunately it's not a happy update. It's looking like Dad may never come home. I hate to "say" it outloud and have been avoiding it for so long. But it's time to come to terms with it I guess.
Mom spoke with his doctor yesterday regarding his extremely low platelet count. At this point that is concerning but since he's having no bleeding issues it's okay (platelets are what clots your blood). The more concerning issue is keeping his white blood cells up, with cold/flu season here it's important for him to not get sick.
They also discussed him coming home. We had been hopeful that this would happen before Thanksgiving. None of us were really sure, he's so weak and Mom wouldn't be able to handle it all herself. We kept convincing ourselves that we could do it.
So, mom asked the doctor her opinion. She said at this point he's just too weak, he would need a nurse pretty much all day/night and it's just not feasible. Plus the huge risk of more falls and injuries would be so great at home. Also he'd be at more risk of picking up a cold or infection at home, though sometimes i honestly think you get more sick in a hospital (but that's for another post some other time). Anyway the doctor was against him going home right now.
It's a definate blow to us all, but I can't say any of us are really surprised. I think we've all been avoiding saying it "out loud" all this time. We've never really made a big attempt for his room to be "homey" for him, we just didn't want to admit he'd be "living" there.
He's been there now over a year and may never come home. I keep telling myself that trying to make it real. Trying to be strong, trying not to cry. It's so hard to make my life go on when his is slowly draining away. I HATE IT!
I hate what this last year and 4 months has done to my father. I know he was never truely a "healthy" person, but it's so hard to see every ounce of his spirit sucked out of him. It's so hard to be there on the "bad days" (like today) when he's depressed and blue. Today he hardly talked. Faith was able to brighten him a bit, but even that just wasn't the same. I just don't understand why things like this happen, why people have to be sick or failing in health. What's the lesson to be learned? What's the point? Is it to make us all greatful for the days we have? Should be celebrate each moment, sure but how can i when my Dad is so sad. How can i possibly be truely happy each day and make my life meaningful while he suffers? I feel like i'm constantly having to push those bad feelings to the side and force myself to be joyful.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

It came, it came! My pottery!

Since John doesn't read my blog i put his mug in the picture too, it's a Christmas gift from Faith.
Isn't it beautiful!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008


My sewing machine is fixed. It was the timing, it was off and the belt was loose. Thank goodness they were so great about getting it right in and fixing it. No charge, that was nice too. Of course while they were looking at it i went to Walmart and bought a bunch of Christmas fabric and then to JoAnn's and got a bunch of flannel. But it's all stuff i'll use and it was all on sale. Now i gotta get my scissors from upstairs (i was hand sewing in bed last night, what a chore hand sewing is). I can't go get them right now and wake John up, so i'll have to sew after Faith goes to bed. Anyway, she's fixed!! WOOT WOOT

Monday, November 3, 2008


Okay so i just put the sewing machine needle into my finger, boy did that feel good....
then i got some fabric caught, it jammed up while it was supposed to be sewing, and when i got it all cleaned out now my bobbin thread isn't getting picked up....ARGH!
I'm taking a break and then goign to follow the instructions for taking the bobbin case apart and cleaning it. I cannot be without my machine right now so please say a sewing machine prayer that it's not broken and going to have to go for service.

***EDITED to add***
it's broken....I am so upset and frustrated. I will have to take it in to the dealer tomorrow. I am hoping they can look at it right away and it's an easy fix. I NEED my sewing machine. It's not a want, it's a NEED I have way to much going on that needs to be completed to not have it.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Some recent pictures.

I think they are all pretty self explanatory.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Mother Nature Defeated Me

I'm feeling very let down this morning. I am supposed to be on my way to Syracuse for my consult with Dr. K. But here I sit. The driveway is impassable. John had no choice but to take the truck to work last night. Here's what mother nature was so kind to leave us. My guess is we got well over a foot here in the "bridge".
And here's a picture from yesterday when it first started snowing. Faith was so excited she sat in our front window for the longest time watching it "no". Of course all she would wear all day yesterday was Elmo panties, would not get dressed, bet the neighbors think i'm the mother of the year.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

1:16 am

And i can't sleep. Dont' know why, just can't. Fell asleep with Faith about 9:30 and woke up around 12:30 tossed and turned and got up at 1, just not tired. Sigh.

Monday, October 20, 2008


Mom finally downloaded some pictures off her camera she had been hoarding....LOL....and these two just melt my heart -
Faith's first Halloween -

And her first Christmas Eve -


Gas is finally below $3, John told me on his way to work it was $2.99 at Stewarts in Carthage (he had to go the long way to work, long story). Anyway i'm thrilled to see it down that much in such a short time.

Friday, October 17, 2008

I love the thrift store

Faith and i headed out to the thrift store this morning. I took in a small bag of clothes and a few toys we didn't need. I got $28 in store credit, yeah. I found a small wooden table for $3.99 and 2 Little Tykes pink plastic chairs for $10, no they don't match the table, but who cares, it's somewhere she can sit and color or have a snack. I also found an awesome pair of snow boots for like $4 and a heavy Land's End sweater for $2.99. So i still have a little bit of credit there, got rid of a few things we didn't need and brought home a few we do.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

General Ramblings...

I just feel like "talking" this morning. So here are some general ramblings.

*It's 2 weeks until my fertility doctor consult. I'm nervous and excited all at the same time. I think now that Faith is out of diapers it just makes my heart ache even more for another baby. Yes I have thought about all that "baby stuff" like lack of sleep, colic, teething, etc and it all makes me smile. SMILE. Can you believe that? I actually WANT to do all that stuff again.

*Faith has become obsessed with riding the 4-wheeler. She will say "outside, ride daddy's wheel-her". And once you tell her she can, you'd better take her out right then, do not tell her later, it won't work. She will bug you and bug you and bug you, until you take her out to the "wheel-her". LOL. Also if you make the mistake of telling her you are "going bye bye later" she will bug you incesantly with "we go bye bye now".

*Potty training has been extremely successful. Since last Monday (9 days) we have had only 3 accidents, all of them poop accidents, 2 were honestly "didn't make it in time" accidents the other one she just never told me she had to go. She is also "holding it" for 2 days before she will poop, she apparently doesn't want to go so she is just holding it, which hopefully she will learn isn't the right thing to do, for now i just keep trying to encourage her. She does very well when we go places, we take her potty seat with us, or as she calls it "big girl". LOL. She has also been dry in the morning for 2 whole weeks now, I'm wondering if I should just go to training pants at night now, but i'm so nervous that when i do that she'll have her first "accident" and it will send her back into not wanting to use the potty/big girl pants. Well that was way more than enough about the potty huh...

*John has gotten home really early from work the last two mornings. It's nice but seems strange in a way too. Last night Faith kept saying "daddy no go work". It breaks my heart.

*I am doing a ton of sewing lately. I am finishing up a lap quilt i made for my cousin for her wedding. I will be putting the batting and backing together w/ the quilted top this weekend and hopefully get it all quilted and out in the mail by the end of next week. Her wedding is the 26th, we had hoped to go (it's in DC) but we just couldn't afford the extra expense or stand to leave Faith here or for that matter subject her to an 8+ hour drive & wedding events that she wouldn't probably find very boring. I'm also doing a lot of clothing sewing for various trades i have going on for Christmas gifts. I just finished 3 more nightgowns. I am working on a pair of flannel PJ bottoms w/ an applique shirt. I have a couple other items all cut out and ready to sew up also. I'm really thoroughly enjoying sewing. I will be adding more photos to my sewing blog soon.

*I'm much more enjoying the weather we have had lately, i like cool crisp mornings, warm days, cool evenings. I know soon it will just be cold all the time, i love fall.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Ever just feel totally and completely lazy?

Today i just want to throw my PJs back on and curl up in the chair with the remote. I am not sick. I'm not overly tired, maybe a bit. I just don't really feel like doing anything at all. I already went to the grocery store. I also finished up 2 nightgowns I needed to hem. I cleaned out the fridge of all the offending leftovers that were WAY "expired". I took Faith outside and rode daddy's "wheeler" as she calls it (this has become an everyday event, but that's another post). I basically didn't feel like doing any of those things either, but i did because I know i can't just lay around all day. But I am fighting the urge to go and be lazy for the afternoon. I shouldn't....maybe just for an hour or so....

Monday, October 13, 2008

I'm so excited...

I got on the custom's list for my favorite pottery maker Rising Sun Earthworks. I am thrilled with how she did her customs this month, basically anyone that wanted to be on her list got randomly assigned a number, if your number was drawn then you got to be added to her list. Such a fair way to do it, and way easier for me than remembering to be at the computer at just the right time. Anyway i'm totally excited I am getting John a custom mug as a Christmas gift from Faith. And I'm getting a butter crock & spoon rest for the kitchen. And if it's okay with John a covered casserole dish too (which will be his Christmas gift to me). Anyway just wanted to share my excitement.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Diana took the sixth picture challenge and I decided to play along! If you'd like to play along, post the sixth picture from the sixth file in your pictures folder. :-) Then, leave me a comment with a link to your post. :-)

Not really a big surprise it's a picture of my Faith Bug. I think my folders are all out of whack cause it seems like it should have been an older picture, but when our computer died last year I think my folders ended up way out of order when i added back in all our older pictures. :-)

Your turn!!!

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Difficult News...

My nephew Thomas has been diagnosed with a chromosome disorder. Most of you know the situation with my sisters children, if you don't you can shoot me an email and ask. But his adopted mom told my mom about the news, and I emailed her for more information. He has a chromosome 22 microduplicaton, it's very rare but it does explain the medical issues he has struggled with all his life.
As sad as this news is, it also reminds me how thankful I am that God gave Josh and Thomas parents that are completely devoted and capable of dealing with their unique needs, now including this genetic problem. The disease means he will have mild retardation, multiple medical problems including colon issues, hearing/speech issues and others. Also it's likely he could have schizophrenia later in life. They are taking him for more testing early in November. Please remember them in your prayers if you would, they could certainly use some at this time, and please thank God for finding the boys such wonderful parents.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008


Faith has NOT had an accident since Monday afternoon - 2 whole days totally completely using the potty. I'm so stinkin excited! Don't get me wrong I know that accidents are gonna happen but I am just thrilled that in less than a week she has totally gotten the potty thing, she totally GETS IT!!!!
This morning she went in all by herself and went pee, all by herself, I didn't even have to ask her to go or anything.
We went to see papa, no accidents and used the potty there 3 times! She even went poop in the potty just a few minutes ago, she came and said "mommy poopy" and she started crying and i thought for sure she had an accident, but nope, we got there in time and she did it. YEAH!!! And she woke up this morning for the sixth day in a row with a dry diaper and going right in to use the potty. I'm so PROUD of her!

Monday, October 6, 2008

Potty Training Success

Faith is doing great with the potty training this time around. 4 mornings now she has woken up totally dry and gone right in to go potty. We've had some accidents of course but she is definately into it and ready. Yesterday we even went to lunch and were accident free the whole time we were out and about in our "big girl pants". She has figured out how to go just a little bit so she can get an m&m but i don't care, as long as she's going. I'm thrilled to not be using diapers, we used 1 diaper in the last 2 days, she wore the same one to bed 2 nights in a row (probably gross but why throw it away, however 2 nights is my limit i threw it out this morning).

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Coupons again...

Are you tired of me beating a dead horse on the whole coupon thing. I can't help it, i just love it, I feel like i'm somehow cheating the system, even though nothing i do is wrong.

Anyway today's trip to P&C -
2 Boxes of Apple Cinnamon Cheerio's were FREE.
2 Boxes of Reese's Puffs were 40 cents each.
4 Boxes of Nature Valley Granola Bars were $1 each.
8 Boxes of Betty Crocker Fruit Snacks were $1.16 each.
2 Boxes of Electrasol Powerball Dishwasher tabs were 74 cents each.
1 Container of Daisy Sour Cream was FREE.

Total of regular retail price - $62.79
Total PAID - $15.56

PLUS I got 2 dozen eggs for 98 cents each because i spent over $20, which saves me another $1.22 off the regular price.
AND I got 2 checkout coupons for $$ off my next visit.
One is for $2.50 off and one is for $3.50. So really I am saving another $6.

Bringing my TOTAL savings today to $54.45

Friday, October 3, 2008

A positive post...

Okay my last few posts have been so negative that it's time for a positive one for sure. So here's a list of random positive things -

* I am still sick, BUT I am getting better.
* Faith slept in her own bed last night and is still asleep at nearly 8 am. (side note, we have had an issue for a week with her only wanting to sleep in mama's bed, we have yet to find the cause but i was able to get her to sleep in her bed, after over an hour of crying and hugging, however this is a positive post..)
* John's paycheck went farther this week than i had thought it would, so i was able to pay a couple extra bills and set us up for a better month that originally planned. I am so thankful that John has a such a good job and provides so well for us, enabling me to stay home with Faith.
* I called my fertility clinic yesterday and scheduled an appointment for the end of the month. I'm nervous but after John and I talked about it more, it just made more sense to go see them than my other options. Like I told John it's just a consult and even if we still never get pregnant again at least we did SOMETHING.
* It's Friday, who can't be excited about that.
* Did i mention Faith is STILL sleeping...
* I was able to sort out all my fabric yesterday into categories of type of fabric, now i can access it a lot better to get more accomplished.
* I also got a lot of the dining room clutter picked up yesterday, however there is a lot more to get to today, but I think it will get done.
* It's fall, i love fall. Not hot, not too cold. I like nice crisp fall air.
* We have plenty of wood pellets bought and paid for that we can count on for heat all winter, we will not need to worry about the high fuel prices taping out our budget every month in the winter. At worst we *might* have to get a small amount of fuel oil, but we also very well might not have to get any at all.
* We have a kitchen full of food to eat, if something was to happen i know i have well stocked cupboard and we could slash food spending to nearly nothing if needed.
* Last weekend I got my Grandma's china safely put away in my china cabinet. I had been meaning to do it because i was afraid the longer they were in the boxes they would get damaged. Nothing got damaged and it's all so lovely to look at. I loved my Grandma so much, and I often think how much she would love Faith. Sorry that kinda makes me sad.

Okay so before this turns to a sad post, i feel pretty good that I am being positive today and not starting the day out on a bad foot. Faith is STILL sleeping, lazy girl. I'm sure she'll be up soon, i heard her stirring just a bit already.
Have a WONDERFUL weekend all my friends!!!

I can't believe i forgot my MOST positive thing. Faith was a "BIG GIRL" yesterday and wore big girl pants all day. She pooped on the potty, YEAH! She almost made it to the potty to pee, but one time she got in there and struggled with her potty, and peed her pants trying to get situated and the second time she was asleep in the recliner having a nap and peed in her sleep. Neither i can really call her fault. She also didn't wet her diaper all night last night. She can obviously hold her pee a LONG time, she gets that from her daddy. I really think this time she's ready. Keep everything crossed for us :-)

Thursday, October 2, 2008


There some stuff happening right now that has me frustrated and i just need to vent. If you don't want to "hear" me "whine" you might want to stop reading now, this is definately not a positive upbeat post.
My dad is still in the rehab/nursing home. He just doesn't seem to be making any progress, he just kinda stays the same. We are hoping to get him home by Thanksgiving but it seems like we shouldn't "hope". Every other time when we have "hoped" he'd be home something has happened that has prevented this. I don't like feeling scared to be hopeful. There's a lot of "stuff" that needs to be done before he can come home, modifications to the house being the biggest one. Mom is applying for some grant money to try and help the costs, but we also have to find someone willing to do the work and hopefully before snow flys. The whole situation is so draining on everyone, it's a constant stress on us all.
Then of course there is the economy, which stinks, we all know that, doesn't really affect us a lot at least yet anyway. But, it does make you realize that it's important to save, and be more frugal. I was hoping to start a sewing "job" from home, i think i told most of you about it, but i'm not sure that's going to happen, it might we'll have to see. So then my dilema is do i go ahead and go back to work to make some extra money, problem is with everything going on with my Dad i can't really count on my mom to babysit and honestly i just really really don't want to go back to being "tied down" to a traditional job. Plus mom and dad really are going to need me to be available to help if he does come home, mom just isn't going to be able to do it all herself. So i just don't know what to do there.
Then, I am sad about Faith not having a baby sibling and it's looking like she may never. I am trying hard to understand why this desire and yearning for another child is so strong yet I can't seem to get pregnant again, it seems so unfair and frankly like a slap in the face. I'm trying hard to accept Faith being my only child, really i am, but it's so hard. It especially breaks my heart that everywhere we go we see babies and she gets all excited and tells me "mama baby"..."mama baby crying"...etc...So hard....I need to make a decision about if I want to see the OB in my midwife's office or try and see my fertility doctor, i need to do something because I definately think i need some kind of medical help to ever have even a chance at another baby. It's a very hard decision that is just made twice as hard because i am not working and we don't have a lot of extra money. So now i sit here wishing i had done things differently in the past, so that now things would be different...UGH such a vicious circle....
Stay tuned, i promise tomorrow i will try and post a positive post.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

I hate being sick part 2

So i finally admitted today that poor Faith was really suffering more because mommy was sick than because she was sick herself. She wasn't super sick, just cranky more than anything and i think that was because i am so sick. Anyway after sitting in the recliner most of the morning and having a baby hug me a million times, which was nice. I realized poor Faith really just wanted to play and have attention that was probably why she was cranky. I finally called my mom and asked her if she could come and get her and keep her overnight, she of course did and from what she said on the phone Faith was having lots of fun, when i asked her if she was being good for Grandma she said "uh huh" and when i asked if she ate her dinner she said "uh huh" and then i asked if she was having fun and she said "uh huh" LOL my girl she's all about details. She did try and tell me a story about Chey Chey, not sure what it was. Then she told me "Grandma getting wa wa" (which is water if you didn't know) and promptly went to get a drink too. So i went to bed at 7:30 loaded full of medication. At that point my chest was hurting so bad and i was feverish. Woke up about 11:30 to the fever being done and feeling better. Now i'm doing a lot of coughing and blowing of my nose but i'd rather get the stuff out than end up with pneumonia. Heading back to bed....

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

I hate being sick...

I guess the title says it all. Faith and I are both sick, she's not as bad but plenty miserable. Not going to be a productive day at all. I will try and get some more apples processed or sort the fabric i've been wanting to sort since the weekend. Or maybe i'll just sit in the chair and be lazy...yeah that sounds more like it.

Monday, September 29, 2008

UGH Husbands!

Why is it they can empty something (say a cereal box and a milk container) and leave it sitting on the counter 2 feet from the trash can. I mean is it gonna kill them to take one more step and throw it out?? HELLO the trash is RIGHT THERE.
Then okay so i take care of that, go over to the sink, there is the bowl. Yes, grateful it made it to the sink today, most days it doesn't but it's got bits of cereal and a pool of milk in it still. Okay you came as far as the sink, can you not just rinse it for me so there's not crusted on cereal and stinky milk later?
Okay so i rinse that out as well as the baby's bowl and here he comes downstairs with a HUGE armfull of dirty socks and a few t-shirts. And i get "I have to start the washer cause i have NO SOCKS". See our dirty laundry is in 2 places, the bathroom or the laundry room, I wash what is in those 2 places pretty much every day. But you see, he wears his socks and t-shirts up and takes them off before he gets in bed. Well, when exactly should i gather them up, in the middle of the day when you are trying to sleep? Would it be horrible if you just took off your dirty clothes before you went to bed, or horror of horrors carried them downstairs with you when you get up?
So that's my frustration this morning, oh that and the car...but that's another story....

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

A Perfect Fall Day

Sunday we got up early and headed out to pick apples. It was so much fun, Faith really seemed to love it. I picked about 75 lbs of apples, so I am a canning queen this week. So far i've made applesauce but only a small batch, i've got a LONG way to go.

Here's some pictures.
She tasted some of course.
She was so funny pulling them off the tree, she was really pulling hard and grunting...totally hilarious!
After picking all our apples, we headed up to the store where they have pumpkins and all kinds of other items for sale, as well as a play area for the kiddos.
We have a "rule" that she can pick a pumpkin but she has to be able to pick it up and carry it herself...she tried many before she found one.
She ended up decided on a "pumpkin" that is actually a goard, at least i think it is, either that or it's a green & orange pumpkin, who knows she loves it anyway.
Then she saw this bin, peeked in and yelled "NANAS", meaning she thought the huge butternut squash were bananas LOL funny looking bananas huh...
We finally convinced her to look through one of the little cutout things, so funny -
Then we headed out with our purchases to lunch at Olive Garden, yummmy!
We decided we still had time so we stopped at the Salmon River Fish Hatchery to see the salmon. It's not at peak season yet but there were quite a few large salmon to watch as well as other fish and we even spied a blue heron down stream waiting to catch something to eat, can you imagine if he tried to catch one of those 25 lb huge salmon? LOL i got some other pictures of fish but they are kind hard to see, so just one, but trust me there were lots to see. We are probably going to go back on a day when they are collecting eggs and stuff so we can watch that part.
Daddy and Faith watching the stream for fishies to jump up.
Faith looking over the edge into the fish ladder, under the water you could see lots of fish packed in there.
A big ole salmon trying to get up enough strength to jump over the baracade they have to prevent the fish from swimming farther upstream (this forces them to go into the fish ladder).
Here is the blue heron, isn't that the coolest picture?

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Good Ole Betty Crocker....

Okay so we are going apple picking tomorrow and I really really want to do some canning and what not. So i was searching online for recipes and tips etc. Then i got this bright idea to check my big ole Betty Crocker Cookbook (man do i love that thing) and sure enough an entire section on canning! WOOT! Why didn't i think of that to begin with.

And just cause it's cute a picture of Faith, and no I didn't make these PJ's in fact it's one of the very few items i've bought Faith in months, but they were SO CUTE and in our favorite color combo of pink/brown, plus they had one of our favorite animals the elephant...

Friday, September 19, 2008

Brrrr....and ramblings...

32 degrees....might have even been colder than that, we got up at about 6:30 and that was the temp. On a side note we got this cool new indoor/outdoor thermometer with some leftover LL Bean coupon dollars and I am just loving it :)
I honestly am not upset about it getting cool, i wanted a good hard freeze to kill off all the stuff that's been messing with my allergies for the past week or so. Hopefully i'll feel a bit more human now that my head isn't so stuffed up. Although since it's cold we'll have to start burning the pellet stove and that gives me a whole other kind of stuffed up, however that is usually cured by also running the humidifier.
This weekend is a busy one. Tonight I have a party to go to. Then tomorrow is my good friend Gabby's wedding (watch next week for a post on my sewing blog of her gifts, i didn't want to ruin the surprise, but i am very pleased with how they turned out). Then sunday we are planning to go apple picking, which is something i just love to do, it's kind of our fall tradition with Faith, she had fun last year and I bet will have a BLAST this year. Stay tuned for pics of that as well.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

I love coupons!

Okay you all know my crazy coupon routine by now and if you don't, just ask, i love to share my incredible savings and bursting pantry.
Today i went to Price Chopper, before discounts the total would have been $82.86 and I paid 44.97 so a savings of $37.89.
Than I stopped at P&C, who had a better ad this week, some really great steals. The total before discounts was $116.21 and do you know what i paid???? ONLY $34.42 that's a huge savings of $81.79.
Total savings today at the 2 stores was $119.68.
So now you are probably thinking well what did you buy?
Well a few examples are 10 boxes of cereal (4 fruity cheerios, 2 kix, 2 cheerios, 2 total) for a TOTAL of $5.80. That's ONLY 58 cents per box averaged out. I admit that a lot of the stuff i get is "boxed" stuff like Hamburger Helper, taco dinner kits, packaged side dishes, but we don't eat it all, we are donating a bunch to the food pantry and i'm sorry but when pared with a good vegetable and lean hambuger, hamburger helper isn't really that horrible. I got 10 cans of soup (brand name Campbells tomato and chicken noodle) for 50 cents per can and yes I'm a snob and think the Campbell's soup is way way better than generic. I also never buy yogurt without a coupon and sale. Today we got a 6 pack of yogurt totally free on coupon ($3.19). Then i bought 12 Yoplait yogurts for 33 cents each (after sale & coupon) and got 1 Free. I got 4 loaves of Freihofer bread for $1.50 a loaf(the big loaves of whole grain white, and yes i should have gotten the wheat but Faith eats the white a lot better). Two things I was thrilled about were Snuggle fabric softener for $2.49 each (the bigger ones) and dishwasher tabs for $1.24 (regular price is 4.19).
The whole idea behind shopping this way is that you only have to buy your essentials and i do have to say that over the last few months I have really been saving a lot of money and there is ALWAYS something to eat in the house. Right now we are bursting at the seams again, though i do need some meat, hoping there are some good sales on that next week.
Stayed tuned for more crazy coupon updates :)

Monday, September 8, 2008

Ever think...

That there is something amiss but you just don't know what it is? Like little comments made but that don't add up to the total truth? Suddenly things seem very different and you feel "out of the loop", but then you wonder that maybe you are just being paranoid?
Oh well, i'm not gonna worry about it, i certainly have better things to do :)

Friday, September 5, 2008

Pushing a car is hard work...

Just ask Faith...
I took this picture last weekend when we were playing outside, doesn't it look like the car weighs at least 200 lbs or something...

Monday, September 1, 2008

French Onion Soup

In my new crocks....yumm-o as RR would say, however i used Paula Dean's recipe. It was okay but i think next time i'll try something different, wasn't as rich as i had hoped.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Check out my new Sewing Blog

I've made a separate blog for my sewing stuff.

My Sewing Blog

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Blood Drive totals....misc. rambling about my Dad.

Well we found out that there was a total of 40 units of blood collected with promises of a donation from 9 people (they couldn't give that day for one reason or another and will give on another day). There was at least 1 out of town relative that donated too. My dad got a bunch of cards from people that donated in his honor which was pretty cool too.

Today Mom, Chey, Faith and I went to visit and he was very tense and upset. Apparently they told him in therapy today that he just isn't making progress and that they were going to drop him down to 3 days of therapy a week instead of the 5 he has been getting. While i understand their reasoning it really upsets me. It's bad enough that he "gives up" on himself sometimes do they have to too? Why not let him continue at 5 days if he's willing? Who cares if he's not making much progress, he's exercising and he might start to make more progress. Why not work with him on learning to live in a wheelchair, and how to transfer himself better so that maybe he can still come home.
Now maybe Dad just made it sound like they didn't give him much hope today, he was certainly depressed when we got there. Or maybe he misunderstood what they told him to mean that he wasn't going to get better, i don't know. But either way I'm horribly sad. I was already feeling like maybe he would never make it home again and this just makes me feel more like he won't.

So to make myself "feel better" i ate McDonald's after I dropped mom & chey off and then came home and ate some Zucchini bread too. I sure wish I didn't "eat" my emotions. Well, now i'm crying so i guess enough sad posting for today, I just wish i could understand WHY WHY WHY.......

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Dad's blood drive

If you didn't catch WWNY news last night and see this little blurb about it, Dad's blood drive was yesterday, the turn out seemed pretty good. They were keeping track of how many people came specifically for Dad, so i'm hoping to get that number today. My mom was able to give blood, she didn't think she could because of her Lupus, but they said no problem. I tried to give blood but couldn't, maybe next time. My aunt (who's 80) and her 2 daughters came all the way from Massena to give, unfortunately only 1 of the daughters could give, though they all tried. I was kinda surprised at all the "no no's" for giving blood, i mean i knew a few obvious things would prevent you, i don't remember all this stuff from last time i did it, but that was like 11 years ago. Anyway, i thought it was nice they put a little piece on the news about it, just wish they'd done something like the day before to help boost the attendance even more. Dad was extremely pleased to see so many people really cared enough to come out and give blood in his honor.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008


We went to Old McDonald's farm yesterday. I really think Faith had a ball. She just loved the animals. Feeding the pigs and cows on the hay ride was a blast. Here's just a couple pictures.

Faith has been playing "dress up" lately, so i plan to make her some specific dress up clothes for Christmas. Here she is in her playsilks - one is a cape, the other is her "bonnet". Then another day she insisted on wearing tights, her bathing suit and her sandles, such a little weirdo.

Here she is with her best friend Chester, they like to watch out the window for birds together, i was thrilled when I caught it with the camera.

YEAH we can make PIGTAILS!!

I've been doing a ton of sewing, here are 3 sweatsuit or pajama outfits, could be used as either.

Monday, August 18, 2008

A nice anniversary...

Nothing really special. We had brunch with my MIL and her boyfriend, his sister and of course the 3 of us. It was nice. Then we got Faith's stuff together and dropped her off at grandma's house for the rest of the day/night. We drove up through St. Lawrence county, looked at 2 different state parks, did some nice relaxing strolling along the river and had dinner in Potsdam. The dinner was actually terrible but at least it was a night out. The drive home was quiet and peaceful, except when i called Faith and she told me all about how "Chey bad girl" on the phone. LOL. John has today and tomorrow off from work so today will be a work day and I think tomorrow we will go do something as a family, maybe Old McD's farm.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

You Belong in 1990

With you anything goes! You're grunge one day, ghetto fabulous the next. It's all good!

6th Wedding Anniversary & John's 34th Birthday

Well tomorrow is my 6th wedding anniversary. Hard to believe we've only been married 6 years. We of course "lived in sin" for about a year and half before that, and before that dating for like 2ish years. All together we have been a "couple" for 9 1/2 years.
John's birthday is also tomorrow, yes we got married on his birthday, that was his idea. When we were looking at the calender trying to pick a date, we saw his birthday was on a Saturday so he wanted that day. I think he figured that way he'd never forget the date, good idea on his part i think. He will be 34, such an old man LOL. On the day of our wedding, his dear Aunt June made him a birthday cake, along with the gorgeous wedding cake she made us. That was her gift to us, and what an incredible gift it was, so pretty and quite delicious too. I will be making him a cake later today, it of course will be nothing like his delicious chocolate w/ chocolate icing cake of that day, but i'm sure it will be good just the same.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Sorta better....sorta not...

Still not sure about Faith, she's still cranky, feverish at times and has a runny nose, but i'm not convinced it's anything more than a combo of teething and a headcold. Sure wish it would just be 100% better so i wouldn't keep wondering and waiting to see....
John got the car fixed, so that's better. He did say though that he's never fixing it again to try and save money, he's just taking it to the mechanic and sucking it up when we get the bill, cause it's just not worth the frustration and hassle. He's probably right but it is nice to get a break job for like 1/2 of what it would be if i took it to the mechanic, but the frustration level does definately go up.
I feel sorta better too, was feeling a lot better till i woke up congested and headachy this morning, but still better than last week for sure.
Went to mom's today and cut out a bunch more patterns, I love her cutting table. Will be sewing again this week. Last week i made 3 winter nightgowns, a long sleeve shirt/pants set, a long sleeve velour shirt, a pair of cord pants and a cord jumper all for Faith. Then i also made a winter nightgown and long sleeve t-shirt for a clothing swap i am in. Busy sewing week, even with us sick. So hoping to be even more productive this week. Stay tuned for more pictures of my sewing :-)

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Faith is still sick...

UGH, i thought it was maybe just her teeth causing her to have a fever, she's getting the bottom 2 of the last set of molars. They are poked through now so it should be getting better (usually that's how it goes with her), but she's still very feverish, last night she was literally burning up. I have got to get another thermometer, our ear one is the biggest piece of junk going, and the other digital ones take so long to record the temp she won't sit still long enough. But she was so hot to the touch i didn't have to worry about a thermometer i knew she had a fever for sure. She was up in the night and in bed with mama for the rest of the night, very restless. Her nose is STILL runny but now it's yucky and getting green, which i'm afraid means she probably has a sinus infection like mama had, might have to get her to the doctor, hopefully we can wait till tomorrow, i do NOT want to go to the ER.
So everyone around here is pretty miserable today, and it's going to rain yet again, lovely just what we need is more rain...NOT!

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Now poor Faith is sicker....

She woke up in the night miserable and feverish. Still feverish this morning, grumpiness & runny nose too. Medicine helps a bit but only some, very very very miserable girl today. Makes for a long hot day of holding....but that's what mom's are for :-)

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Quick Med .... more like SLOWER than a snail in January.

So i went to "Quick" med today because i don't really have a "family" doctor and I knew i needed antibiotics for this to clear up. So i get there at 10:45 am. There is 3 people ahead of me in the waiting room, apparently the Dr was in surgery and running late (they opened at 10 am). But they said he was supposed to be there "soon". They checked me in at 11:15 and did my vitals etc. I went back to waiting room and FINALLY the doctor got there at 1:15, i didn't get out of there till 2:15. 3 1/2 hours! I should have left when they didn't check me in right away and gone elsewhere but i knew that this place took my insurance and i didn't wnat to risk going somewhere else and potentially paying the whole bill, nor did i want to just end up waiting a long time somewhere else. Then once they had checked me in I didn't want to leave cause i"d already paid my co-pay and figured why bother "he'll probably be here in a minute"...YEAH RIGHT! The guy was very apologetic, the staff was nice and stuff, but still.....i'm surprised i didn't blow my top. So thanks Tracy for your recommendation, HA HA.

Still sick...

I'm still sick....i am pretty sure I have a sinus cheek, eye and even teeth are hurting from the pressure. I need to just suck it up and go to a doctor. But i'm stubborn like that. Faith has a runny nose, and is mildly sick but it's not horrible. I havn't gotten much accomplished, which irritates me, i keep hoping tomorrow will be better, but so far, each tomorrow remains about the same. Maybe today i'll go to the short wait place, since i don't even have a family doctor other than my midwife, and i know she's out of town this week anyway.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Some of my recent sewing

I made a cute outfit for our little friend Moriah -

I made Faith more nightgowns, i really like how this one turned out -

I made Faith a couple more diapers for her stash, they are AIO style w/ PUL outer, microfleece inner, snap in soaker and front snaps for closure, i made them with fabric i had on hand and made some bright color combos, i think they came out great and are FUN.
And here is one on the model -
Here's a diaper cover i made her a couple weeks ago too -
And here's a picture from her birthday, she wore one of the pretty dresses mommy made her this spring, i love this one it has dino's hatching from eggs, so cute -
I am so enjoying the satisfaction of making her clothing. I have a goal to make as much of her fall wardrobe as possible. I hope to only buy a few basics like jeans (not ready to tackle making them yet), socks, hats etc. So we'll see how i do.
Thanks for looking!